Customers today have endless ways to solve their problems without speaking to a human being. Most of the time, if they’re connecting with an agent directly, they’re not in the best mood. They’re frustrated, exhausted, and maybe a little combative, and unfortunately, many customer service agents don’t know what to say to angry customers.
Spoiler: just telling them to “calm down” doesn’t work. That phrase (while innocuous) often triggers the “reactance effect” – an instinctual resistance people feel when their sense of control is threatened or their concerns seem to be dismissed.
Over time, calls escalate more often. Escalations mean longer resolutions and lower satisfaction scores. Anxiety spills over into the workforce because agents feel cornered, and emotion hijacks logic.
So, what’s the right way to speak to a customer who’s far from happy?
What to Say to Angry Customers: 7 Defusing Phrases
So, “calm down” won’t work – but what will? Basically, anything that makes them feel heard, respected, and understood. Here are some practical phrases to embed into the de-escalation techniques customer service teams might already use:
1. “That sounds really frustrating.”
Opening with recognition helps. Callers feel acknowledged. That simple nod shifts the tone. Callers don’t feel like their emotions are being belittled or ignored. The agent is actively validating them. Customers can start to think more logically, because they’ve made their point emotionally.
Alternative (but similar phrases include):
- I’d feel the same in your position
- I can see your point there
- I understand why you’re upset about this
2. “We want to fix this just as much as you do.”
Sometimes, knowing what to say to angry customers means reinforcing a sense of collaboration – like this phrase does. It shifts blame and drama toward alignment. It also shows that the customer service agent isn’t trying to pass the buck to someone else, or imply it’s not their responsibility to deal with the issue.
Other ways to say this include:
- Thanks for letting us know about that, we definitely need to fix it
- We’re sorry about that, let’s try and get this issue solved
3. “Here’s what we know, what we’ve done, and what we can do…”
Agitated customers want clarity, about what happened, why it happened, and what’s being done to resolve it. The best customer service professionals explain in three steps:
- What we know: We see your systems went down at 3 p.m. due to a technical fault with our server, and you’ve been experiencing issues since.
- What we’ve done: We’ve already got a technician working on the problem, and the server is now functional, but we’re still troubleshooting issues.
- What we will do: We’ll make a note on your file and run some additional checks. Our team will inform you immediately when the issue is resolved.
4. “I understand, other customers have had a similar problem, here’s what they found worked…”
This “Feel, Felt, Found” approach builds empathy and a sense of community. It shows customers that they’re not alone in facing an issue, and helps them to see that the company they’re contacting has already helped others resolve the problem.
An example:
- Feel: I see how you feel. I hate it when I can’t log into my account.
- Felt: Some of our other customers have reported login issues, too.
- Found: They found that restarting the app helped solve the problem. Have you tried that?
5. “Here’s what I can do…”
Confidence is key in knowing what to say to angry customers. Saying “the best I can do is get a technician to call you back,” sounds hesitant and invites escalation. Customer service agents should say exactly what they can do, and how it’s going to help.
For example “What I can do for you right now is pass this issue over to our technical team, they’ll be in touch within the next hour with an update. In the meantime, I’ll add a credit to your account for the inconvenience.”
6. “Are you able to…”
Often, a customer will need to do something on their side for a problem to be fixed, like sharing their serial number, account details, or refreshing an application. Rather than using direct statements like “I need you to give me your…” it’s helpful to switch to polite questions like:
- Are you able to grab your serial number for me?
- Could you just switch your computer off and on again for a moment?
- Would you be able to give me a moment to check on that?
7. “Could I try…”
When customers feel powerless, giving them options restores a sense of control. These kinds of phrases are particularly helpful when “troubleshooting” an issue that doesn’t have a clear solution:
